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Also for Funsies
So you think Funsies are your ally? You merely adopted the funsie. I was born in it! Molded by it! I didn't see seriousness until I was completely a man by then it was nothing but ridiculous. Fatman: Arkham Princess synopsis The game opens with Gordon's bored-ass narration of "how it happened", followed by the Joker's cremation. However, since this is DC and the Arkham games are full of Easter eggs, Tastu Yamashiro aka Katana infiltrates the GCPD (playable segment) and stabs Gordon (non-fatally). She pulls Joker's body out and gives him a drink of penicillin tea, reviving him. Joker, however, kills her since he's a psychopath. The inevitably-named "officer Baker" (reference to Troy Baker) inside GCPD is also murdered. Gordon is more confused than horrified and Batman arrives at the scene. Scarecrow sees this on the news and is scared that Joker's return will foil his popularity. He goes to Ace Chemicals and engineers a supercharged neurotoxin accelerator which he plugs into his ass before farting and spreading toxic fearfart across Gotham City. Batman is forced to wear the Batman Beyond suit to cover his nose. Oracle tries to evacuate but news of Gordon's injury brings her back to Gotham as she does wheelchair parkour over all the schoolbuses and magically sets up her base in a rather conspicuous-looking clock tower. Joker, meanwhile, heads to London since it exists in DC Comics and infiltrates the Rocksteady headquarters, finding Paul Dini sitting in a closet smoking crack (explaining his absence from the game). Joker gives Dini a choice: put Bat-Mite in the game or actually help write the story. Dini decides to go with Bat-Mite before Joker shoots him dead. However, Joker's helicopter is destroyed by Dax Ginn, who used all his hype energy to explode the chopper and sacrifice himself. Sefton asks WB Montreal to arrange a funeral but the lazy developers cut out a paper tombstone. Sefton murders them and is arrested, putting the game's development on hiatus while Bat-Mite wreaks meta-havoc everywhere. In Gotham, Batman is wandering the streets pissing on the road. Bat-Mite, voiced by an ever-excited Gaz Deaves, manifests his head (you get a hallucinogenic playable segment) and the player is taken through a behind-the-scenes process of designing the Batmobile. Bat-Mite pinpoints the time at which Gaz jokes about the lethal qualities of the vehicle and mind-controls Sefton into believing this is real. Sefton then accepts the existence of Bat-Mite in the game to manipulate Batman into killing, and has Adam Doherty (player code programmer) disable the Batmobile's riot suppressor. The Bat-tank roars through the streets as WB's marketing team takes over two million screenshots. Batman is having fun murdering everyone while high on Bat-Mite-mind-control until Alfred notifies him of someone starting fires on rooftops. Batman is met by Azrael, who describes a great prophecy in which fans raid Gotham as the game could be a partial disappointment. Batman promptly beheads his would-be successor with the 60-mm cannon before hopping into the Batwing and drunkenly crashing it into Wayne Tower. This causes a mass security breach as the Batwing's super-sharp nose conveniently hits the security control room. All the doors open, allowing Hush to break in. Lucius is taken hostage but Batman, who has connection through the fourth wall from Bat-Mite, channels the power of disappointment to attempt to kill Hush. However, using the power of disappointment against something makes it better, so Batman ends up rewinding time to where Hush is actually dangerous. Batman becomes anxious but since time travel happened, Barry Allen speeds into Gotham, obligated to go take care of anything involving time travel. You get to play as Barry and Hush's boss fight is now trying to ram him - he's in slow motion and Barry's moving super fast so you have to be really precise. Meanwhile, Scarecrow thinks his plan is working since Batman is doing so much weird shit as if he's under fear toxin. However, Robin, who was pretending to research the Joker, takes a full box of Febreze cans and loads them into a spare Batmobile. You get a predator sequence where you have to intercept the Cloudburst tank at the militia's base and open up the ammunition hatch before remote-controlling the car to launch Febreze into the tank. Once the plan works, Robin unleashes the Febreze in the tank to clear out Scarecrow's superfart. However, the blue/orange gas collision creates a purplish cloud over Gotham which Joker sees in the distance. This motivates him to swim faster through the Atlantic and make it back. His presence overloads the power of disappointment inside Bat-Mite, destroying him. Batman comes to his senses and, seeing how much madness he's caused, commits suicide. Alfred is seen taking off a Mission Impossible-style mask that keeps his face concerned-looking and it's revealed that he's sick of being a butler. You get a dance-party segment. But yes, this is how it happened. This is how the Batman died. Gordon gives a eulogy before preparing Tim and Barbara's wedding, only agreeing since Barbara's in a wheelchair and it'd be almost impossible for the two to bang without discomfort. The camera zooms out and a totally sober Paul Dini is seen finishing the draft of a script, which he's writing for Marvel, as revenge for DC firing him. Kevin Feige is satisfied and sends the draft to Disney, but since Disney is stupid they actually put the script into development, funded by WB's DLC money. Marvel and Disney both get sued and Dini is revealed as a double-agent orchestrating everything to convince DC and Rocksteady that he can actually make a better Knight story than they can. Sefton and his writing team are of course already miserable from their lackluster script and beg Paul to come back. Paul does it free of charge as long as his ideas stay unchanged and they agree out of desperation and need for money... ...He uses the draft he wrote for Marvel. THE END Most Wanted Missions Since the story ends with Paul Dini and the cliffhanger, you can now free-roam London and the Rocksteady office. You can either get in the Batwing and fly to Gotham or use one of Rocksteady's concept outlines in the studio to teleport to Most Wanted missions. The missions go as the following: Azrael Descibed in story. Hush Described in story. Riddler Riddler is such a nerd that he can come up with an algorithm to elementally resurrect Bat-Mite temporarily, asking him to interview fans on what they thought Arkham City's toughest Riddler trophies were. From here he designs the trophies, using maximum brain power to write another algorithm for Man-Bat to infilitrate Rocksteady and hack their world design to place the trophies. This kills Riddler physically but he uploaded his conscience to a computer. Now players are led to believe they'll have a very smartly-done boss fight with digital Riddler but instead you can just use the car to blast the screens with Riddler's face on it. Once all screens are broken, Riddler is killed. Catwoman She's not much of a villain but she's still wanted for thievery. You get a fun little chase inside a museum or something with some diamond BS until Catwoman leads you into a hotel. Players can either stay or leave, but leaving will kill you using the power of disappointment, forcing players to stay (similar to the Catwoman Protocol 10 ending in Arkham City). And then you know what happens ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Firefly The first encounter introduces a new meta-element known as the power of frustration at the fact that the game references Origins. This will put Batman in "rampage mode" once charged and you have to aim the raging Bat-Blur precisely at Firefly to defeat him, similar to the Hush fight. Man-Bat Dax programmed the jump-scare as a prank on Sefton but this gives Sefton a heart attack. Batman consults the Flash to save Sefton not be erased from existence and you have to race through super-slowed time to save Sefton. However, Batman later realizes that killing Sefton won't kill him since Bob Kane created him. Feeling stupid, he is manifested by the power of frustration and murders Barry, triggering the Justice League to arrive. Superman After the Justice League arrives at the end of the Man-Bat side mission, Superman is flying all over Gotham. To find him, you need to spot every Superman easter egg. After finding all the easter eggs, Superman will confirm his existence in the universe and we get Batman v. Superman. However, since the movie's not out yet, the power of skepticism (new meta-element) freezes them in time. Mr. Freeze is so damn confused by how they're frozen in anything besides ice and uses the power of denial (another meta-element!) to melt them away. Bats survives (this is a Batman game, bitch!) and Superman is thrown back to Metropolis instead of being erased from existence. Wonder Woman Wonder Woman has access to the power of skepticism since her role in Batman v. Superman is basically determining how bloated the film will be. She can unleash skepticism blasts at you from the sky so you have to evade them and instead throw the serpent drones into her. If you get hit, you're frozen for ten seconds and open to brutal attack. Green Lantern His mission works in such a way that the power of disappointment from Deadpool fans (Ryan Reynolds) who make fun of the Green Lantern film will actually temporarily erase him from existence (Dini has a Marvel connection to make this happen). You have to attack him as fast as you can because if you don't find him, he'll still wreak havoc in the time he does spend in Gotham. Green Arrow Since he's just as dark and brooding as Batman, you have a button-mash driven angry-stare contest. However, since the CW Arrow has gotten way more popular than the comics Green Arrow, the CW version can't have Batman in it due to licensing agreements and it's the one here. Oliver is forced to flee. Aquaman His boss fight is especially tough since you can't swim in the Arkham games. You have to use the tank to just keep firing into the water, hoping for some lucky shots. Eventually he gets as bored as the player does and leaves. Martian Manhunter He's way too OP and is about to kill Batman but is saved by Joker who loses it laughing at how "J'onn J'onzz" is "John Jones". Manhunter leaves from humiliation. Deathstroke His boss fight is overpowered by a double-disappointment elemental charge: the fact that his whole appearance is an Origins reference and that his boss fight is a tank fight. As a result, he renames himself "Death by Stroke" and then, you know, dies of a stroke. However, Manu Bennett Deathstroke arrives and players get a satsifying duel until CW executives apprehend him and keep him away from Batman. The Militia Nightwing gives Batman a custom-made meta-element called "the power of being a Dick" and Batman uses this to crash all the militia's evening APC drives, road-zone frat parties, "real life Minesweeper" games and laser tag tournaments on watchtowers. Penguin Since Batman owes Nightwing for the new element, Nightwing asks him to help investigate Penguin. Since anything involving weapons deals is generally as bland as anything can get, this mission is unchanged from the game until the end, when Batman refers to Nightwing as "Dick" and Nightwing starts to fight Batman, charged by the power of misinterpretation. After Nightwing is subdued, Batman reminds him that a new identity won't rid him of Robin's stupidity. Nightwing leaves with newfound depression and anger, another step closer to becoming like Batman. Two-Face Troy Baker's throat begins to hurt after doing the Two-Face voice so much that Two-Face stays silent the whole heist. This makes finding him really hard since you don't get audio feed in detective mode. But since Riddler and Two-Face technically have a connection from Batman Forever, Two-Face uses Bat-Mite based on Riddler's algorithm to ask the developers to just rob other people's Bitcoin. You get to play as Oracle and intercept the hacks but the real troll is that the game expects you to know Java and C++ to beat the side mission. Pyg Actor Dwight Schultz was actually a victim of a prank where Dax and Gaz filmed him making "pig noises" and posted it on Facebook, out of context. You get more playable Oracle to erase the records. The real Pyg, meanwhile, is heard singing opera by Ethan Hunt, and thinking that it's actually the opera from Mission Impossible 5, he assassinates Pyg. Deacon Blackfire Deacon almost stops from killing Jack Ryder when he's reminded how stupid the whole thing sounds, but Bat-Mite flew past the Lady of Gotham on his way to helping Two-Face and Riddler, so he accidentally dropped the power of denial on Deacon. He goes through with the ceremony and Batman doesn't care since Ryder keeps trash talking Bruce Wayne in the GCPD, but Blackfire's churchy speech attracts Blake Shelton to the scene. The two sit and sing country music together and all of Deacon's thugs (and Ryder) die from cringing. Cash strolls in quietly and arrests a singing Deacon, also getting an autograph from Blake and keeping it in the evidence room. Firefighters After Sefton hears of the idea that Chief Underhill could tip off Firefly to give his men a job, he recruits Underhill to Rocksteady and this whole idea is the basis for basically anything with the Batmobile: come up with a convoluted reason for its presence in the game when it's otherwise unnecessary. Since it was so genius, the firefighters are freed by the programmers and instead go after BatmanArkhamVideos, who is "on fire" with the games and playing flawlessly. Zsasz Since so many typos were made in spelling his name during the coding phase of making the game, a glitchy Zsasz is found teleporting through Gotham. You can call Barry to defeat him if you haven't done Man-Bat but if you have, then just look for places he's been before and park the Batmobile there. He'll end up teleporting inside the cannon and kill himself. Batman: Arkham Knight PC Port The first boss fight in video game history that's actually impossible to beat. Exclusive content for PC ;)